I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
