why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
