Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
