I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
