I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
