Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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