Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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