I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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