I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Come see our sink grown plant.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
