haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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