his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
