I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
