she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
