Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
