The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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