I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
