I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
