Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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