omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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