a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
