I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
