3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
