Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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