I puked a lego.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
