he puts the penis in happiness.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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