I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
