I met the friendliest cop last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
