my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
