I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
