Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
