who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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