So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
