There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
