Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
