He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Are we still banned from the library?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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