Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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