He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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