She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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