i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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