Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
