If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
