wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
