can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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