I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
