He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
