Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
