david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
