accomplished twins. life is a go
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
