I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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