As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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