So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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