3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
