:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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