My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
