Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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