This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
